Stigmas about Singles

Congrats if you are over thirty and single, you have made it this far! You have not settled for the wrong partner, you've avoided the doom that is sealed when you say "I do" long before know who you are, you are my hero.

I am my hero too I guess. We are a growing breed of individuals, that for whatever reasons we each hold, have chosen to wander through life (even if just at the moment) hans solo. 

I hold nothing against the married populous, good for them. I am just tired of the stigma that I get stuck with because I am thirty, single, and childless. So here is my rant, know that I am not a hateful person, I just like to write and rant.

The assumption for single females, is we are all Bridget Jone's types, wandering around and sleeping with the wrong men, crying alone in our one bedroom apartments while we cuddle with the cat...(ok I HAVE done this, but it's merely because I was sad about something legit and my cat is my companion, and I like it that way) and that we stay out on weekends "hitting the club" (I hit up a hiking club on weekends when the weather is nice, but the last time I did a jello shot and hit the DJ booth was at the last wedding/stag and doe I attended).

The idea that we are romance challenged, and that deep down we harbour some resentment for the people around us who are married and with kids is another stereotype I don't like. Some people, don't want to get married and have kids, so I know those people feel no resentment. For those who at times may look at the life of marrieds and feel some self pity because they are "alone", I am sure it happens the same amount of times a couple feels like they wish they had their own space and time.

I am in no way, full of resentment for these people, especially when it's 2am and the only reason I am up is to beat whatever first person shooter I am dialing on PS3 and not because my spouse is snoring or my baby is crying. I feel the same way about coming home after a long day of work, and tossing my lean cuisine into the microwave because I don't feel like cooking a well balanced meal.

This brings me to that other annoying idea, that we are people who have chosen not to grow up (and no mention of the video games, I know LOTS of marrieds who spend time dialing up this action). I am thirty, and I have had a good lot of life experience (but know I am always learning and growing) and I am a mature adult.

I pay bills, change the oil in my car, buy the groceries, clean the house and take care of any other life thing that requires my attention. I am fully functional, and I do it on my own. I am proud of this factor, so please don't take it away from me that saying I haven't grown up because I haven't "settled down."

There is the thought also, that we are ALONE. I was told one year at my job that I should work Christmas since I had no family like the other workers (I know what she meant was husband plus kids, but she said no family). Did I simply pop out of the sky and fall down here from the heavens? (I would like to think so, but I was born of two people I call my parents). These "parents" of mine are my family, and this family includes a sister, brother in law, a nephew and a list of other relatives I consider close and FAMILY.

It's not that I mind working holidays like this so people with young children can play Santa and all that, but guess what, I like to have a bit of time with my family too, so please remember that I have one.

I am not ALONE outside of family either, I have friends too. I have a special group of friends who are around my age and single as well, not because I am elitist, but because they get it. If I have had a bad day, I don't pout at having no one to talk to when I get home, I call a friend.

These supper amazing single friends I have, will drop what they are doing to make time for me, and I do the same for them. We have an understanding that everyone needs support, and have figured out there is more than one way to have it in your life consistently.

As for them "dropping their stuff" please don't also assume that all singles have this impressive amount of time on their hands, I am not saying I am new mom busy, but we don't have a partner to split responsibilities with, so yes we do mean it when we say we are busy.

To top that off, if there is a task at work that needs to be done and it passes the "end of the day time" at work, I don't get to run out because I have to pick up kids from daycare (know that this IS TOTALLY LEGIT and I am not putting this reason down) I end up having to stay because there is "no one waiting for me." However, sometimes I do have stuff I wanted/needed to do, but it is never good enough reason, so I stay.  I usually then end up coming home to play "find the cat urine" because my cat is unable to express things verbally and gets pissed off when I am late.

Sex, sex sex. According to TV, we have a LOT of crazy sex with all kinds of different people. That is not being single, that is being promiscuous. We do have the option, but in today's world so do married people (there is even a website dedicated to helping people cheat).

The idea that all singles wants and need to be set up, this one drives me nuts.  It's not that we mind you think we are so amazing we need to share that amazing with someone, it's that you assume we are missing something, like we are not happy, and also it's who you tend to pic for us that is offensive.

It usually starts like this for me, "he's perfect for you, around your age, single, no kids (sounds good to start) and he's a great guy. He is kinda _____ (between jobs, unemployed or in school for the third time) and at times struggles with _____ (mental illness, substance abuse problem or ex issues). He is single and looking and I am setting you up! (at time point my facebook or phone number has usually been given out without my permission, and now I have to tell this guy NO THANKS).

Just because you know someone who is single, does not mean they are right for your single friend. Its like assuming you can set up two gay men because their gay. If you meet someone who is nice, not insane, and fits what you think we like, then set up an event where we can meet this person, in our own time.

There is nothing worse that going out with my married friends to find out last minute "so and so" from wherever will be there so look nice. I don't like the pressure, and I don't like the assumption I am even into dating.

Being single for me anyhow, means that there are times I just don't date. I either can't be bothered, am to busy with other things, or just like my life sans dude. 

Some of us CHOOSE this life, so be aware of that. On that note, one final thing, when you see a single person out and about, and you are playing the catch up game, try to ask about something other than if we are seeing anyone etc.

Ask how my job is going, or how my family has been. As anything, in fact asking about the last time I took a good BM offends me less than "seeing anyone yet?" like I have some obligation.

I don't ask you if you're still having sex in your marriage, so don't ask about my dating life, and for GOODNESS sake, when I do let you know, that I am not seeing anyone, don't do that thing.

You know the thing, where you tilt your head, look at us sadly, and say "someday you'll meet that right person." Don't do that, cause it makes it look like you pity me, and quite frankly if I don't, you'll look mighty foolish wont you?